


Fighting Nightmares

by qualmsoffyre



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 10:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16303241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qualmsoffyre/pseuds/qualmsoffyre
Summary: Benson calls Barba in the middle of the night when she has another nightmare about William Lewis





	Fighting Nightmares

Barba awoke to his phone, which he usually kept on silent. But recently he had been in the habit of turning the sound on at night, just in case. He was glad he did as he answered and heard the sound on the other end. 

Of course it would be Olivia; she was the only one who could make his heart break with a whimper heard only through the airwaves. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Barba stood and pulled on the shirt he wore under his suit, which still lay on the floor, thrown there haphazardly as he went to bed a mere three hours ago. 

“Liv. Liv, I’ll be right there, okay? Just hang on for me. Can you do that?” Barba asked, knowing she might not respond. 

A loud sniff and a heaving sob were her answer. “Just wait, Liv. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Barba pulled on the shoes by his door, and headed out, barely able to hang up the call. As he drove through the darkened streets, he went through all the possible scenarios in his head of what Olivia could be thinking about right now. She had been having nightmares ever since the trial of William Lewis. She saw her therapist twice a week, and that seemed to be helping, but Barba knew that she was not the same person she was before that disgusting human being stole her from her friends and tortured her. 

And he felt like it was his fault for her trouble now, because he had been in charge of the trial. He had forced her to relive it all, in front of Lewis. How was that not torture? 

Barba knew Olivia probably would not open her door to a knock, so he called her back on his phone as he walked up the stairs to her apartment. “Liv, I’m here. Unlock the door so I can come in, okay?” he said when she picked up the phone with no response. 

He arrived at her place, and just as he grabbed the doorknob, he heard the lock click open. He pushed the door in, and there was Liv, sitting on the floor, disheveled, with her tear-stained face staring at her own feet, not looking up when Barba entered. 

“Liv. Shh, hey it’s okay, I’m here now,” Barba murmured as he closed the door behind him and walked to Olivia’s hunched body in the middle of the living room. Still muttering what he hoped would be comforting words, Barbe knelt and placed a hand on Olivia’s shoulder. 

This was the wrong thing to do. 

Olivia screamed, and flung Barba’s hand off her body like it was a pan straight out of the oven. She continued yelling, as she ran down the hall, into her room. Barba shook, startled by the sudden movement, and the noise. He sat gently on the floor, worried. Olivia had never done that before, and he had been around for many of her nightly terrors. He stood slowly, after regaining his composure, and follow in Olivia’s footsteps down the hall. 

Her door was open, and Barba could hear sharp, shaky breaths from inside. “Liv?” he called, tentative, hoping not to startle her again. “Liv, it’s just me. It’s Rafael. You know me. Can I come in?”

He stepped slowly inside, and saw Olivia huddled, shaking, on her bed, her hands holding fistfulls of her hair. She didn’t look up at him as he crossed the room. Maybe she was embarrassed, Barba thought to himself. He honestly didn’t know what she was thinking right now, and if she panicked again, he might lose her completely to the nightmare. 

“Liv,” he said again, gently, but firmly. “I just want to help. I’m here for you, Liv.” Olivia shook her head, but still would not meet his eye. She said nothing. Barba continued walking towards her, slowly, making sure she could still see him out of the corner of her eye, even if she wouldn’t look at him. 

Then he heard a whimper, as he was almost to the edge of her bed. “Don’t hurt me.”

“Liv?” Barba asked, unsure of exactly what she had said. “Liv, are you okay?”

“Please. Please don’t hurt me. I’ll do whatever you want.”

Barba felt his eyes grow hot. Olivia thought he was here to hurt her. She thought he was Lewis. With this realization, his body became tense, and his feelings changed from sadness and pain to anger and hatred. What had this man done to his best friend? He wanted to wrap his hands around Lewis’ throat and let him know that he would burn in hell for the rest of eternity. 

But he had to focus on the present situation. Anger would not help him comfort an already terrified Olivia. He swallowed, his mouth dry, and finally said, “Olivia, listen to me. It’s me, Rafael. I am here to help you. I would never hurt you. Please. Let me help.”

Olivia glanced up from where her gaze was burning a hole in the bedsheets. Obviously she was still terrified, but Barba hoped that seeing him, and not seeing Lewis, would be helpful, and would help her calm down. He held his hands out in front of his body, showing her that there was nothing that he had that could hurt her. 

Olivia let out a sigh that turned into a shudder. “Rafa?” she asked faintly.   
“Yes. Yes it’s me,” Barba said, inching his way closer to her huddled form. “Listen, it’s just me. You just had a nightmare, I think, and it was a bad one. But now I’m here, and I’m here for you. Okay? We’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” 

Olivia shifted in her bed, still wary, but now able to look at Barba. Her body still shook. “Hey,” started Barba again. “Can I help you now? Is it okay if I touch you? I promise--look at me--I promise I will not hurt you. Ever.”

Olivia nodded, just a little, but Barba took it as a sign to touch her hand, and work it loose from her hair, trying to avoid pulling any from the scalp. She jumped at the touch, but did not run, and didn’t scream. Barba murmured softly to her as he reached for her other hand. Once they were both safely disentangled from her hair, he began rubbing small circles into her palms. 

Slowly, Olivia’s breathing returned to its regular pace. Her body was still tense, but she looked at Barba as he massaged her hands, staring into his eyes. 

“Liv, it’s okay. I’m here now. Do you want to talk about it?” Barba asked, when he could sense that she had calmed enough to be coherent in her words. 

Olivia shook her head. “Rafa, I--” she cut herself off with a deep sob. 

“Shh, you’re okay,” Barba replied. “Here, can I hold you? Would that be okay?” Liv pulled her hands away from him, startled. “I won’t hurt you. I will not hurt you, remember? We can just sit here if that’s what you want. I’ll do whatever you need.” 

Olivia didn’t break eye contact with Barba as she sat on the bed, thinking. Barba wasn’t Lewis. Barba wouldn’t hurt her. He was here to help. She repeated all the things he had said to her, over and over trying to get herself to believe them. 

Then, to Barba’s surprise, and her own, she scooted closer to him on the bed. She leaned her head on his chest, and let out another deep sigh. 

“Liv…” 

“Rafa, listen. I’m sorry. I thought-- I thought you were him,” she finally said. 

“I know. I know Liv, it’s okay. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m just here for you.”

“I’m sorry though. I can’t believe… Just, when you touched me, I thought it was him, and I was back there, and I couldn’t escape, and I was going to die, and--” Olivia’s breathing became erratic as she started hyperventilating into Barba’s chest. 

“Hey, hey, hey, you’re okay now. I’m here, and he’s in jail and he can never hurt you again. Never. I will be here for you forever, okay? Liv, just breathe, just take deep breaths.” He was afraid she would pass out from the lack of oxygen. “Let’s count and breathe. One.. two… three…” 

He continued holding her, rubbing her back, counting and breathing with her, until she was calm. And then her breathing changed from calm to slumbering. Barba sighed. He knew she would be tired, but he also knew that this had been a long and difficult night already. He decided he would stay while she slept, in case she had another nightmare. He gently laid her sleeping body back on the bed, and pulled the blanket up around her. 

He grabbed a pillow from her closet and headed toward the couch when he heard her small voice, barely a whisper: “Rafa?”

“Yeah, Liv, I’m still here.”

“Rafa, I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

“Don’t leave. Stay here with me.”

“I’ll just be on the couch if you need me.”

“No. Stay here with me.” She rolled over in bed, to make space for Barba. 

He thought about it. It would be easier to comfort her if he was there with her. Plus, maybe he hadn’t had enough of the cuddling they had been doing before she fell asleep. 

“Please,” she whispered. “Please, just stay?”

Barba sighed. And then he went back towards the bed, pulled the blanket around himself and Olivia, and wrapped one arm over her body, securing her to him, protecting her from any nightmares.


End file.
